Grandma Has Alzheimer's: 10 Ways to Help Your Child Cope When a Grandparent Has Alzheimer's Disease

How a Grandparent's Alzheimer's Can Affect Your Child: Children may become afraid, confused, sad, angry, frustrated, guilty, worried, and/or embarrassed. Each child reacts differently depending on age, general coping skills and closeness to the grandparent.

Children's Fears: In particular, children typically fear:

1. The grandparent doesn't love them anymore
2. It's somehow their fault
3. They may catch the disease
4. Their parent(s) may get it

Signs that Your Child May Be Having Problems Coping: According to the Alzheimer's Association, a child who is having a hard time understanding or accepting the disease might do the following:

1. Withdraw from or lose patience with the person
2. Do poorly in school
3. Express physical pain, like a stomachache or headache
4. Spend more time away from home
5. Stop inviting friends to the home

10 Things You Can Do to Help Your Child:

1. Explain the disease in simple terms your child can understand.
2. Encourage your child to ask questions. Answer them honestly, simply, and using language appropriate for your child's age. Don't sugar coat the answers, but don't volunteer more information than is necessary.
3. Be sure to address the four "Children's Fears" listed above, even if your child doesn't specifically bring them up.
4. Let your child know these feelings are normal.
5. Keep open lines of communication. Set aside time to be together when your child can feel safe to talk about the situation.
6. Have your child make a "Memory Box" - a box filled with items that will remind them of special times spent with the grandparent in the past.
7. Explain to your child, in simple terms, the changes that are coming, but not in too much detail and not too far in advance.
8. Read with your child books written especially for children on Alzheimer's. The Alzheimer's Association's Web site (see above) has an annotated list of such books for children of various ages.
9. Encourage your child to spend time with the grandparent doing simple things together. The Alzheimer's Association Web site has an excellent list of 101 ways to spend time with a person with Alzheimer's disease. These are especially appropriate in the earlier stages of the illness.
10. In the later stages of the disease if your child strongly resists spending time with the grandparent it's probably wise not to force the issue.

Remember that children can be very resilient and, with your help, may cope better than you expect. Also keep in mind that children can often reach dementia patients in ways that adults cannot, so the time they spend with the grandparent may be rewarding for both.

You can get more information at The Alzheimer's Association web site, which has numerous resources on this topic.

Please visit http://www.ComeBackEarlyToday.com to sign up for a free newsletter containing Alzheimer's patient caregiving tips. You'll also find a link to purchase Dr. Marley's latest book, Come Back Early Today, which illustrates fresh approaches to the numerous heartbreaking problems that arise when caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.

Other Resources:

• http://www.Alz.org
• http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_talking_to_kids_and_teens.asp

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